To all my friends.

I wrote this on August 13, 2006

I was checking my e-mail. This is what I found :

"Friendship is certainly the finest balm for the pangs of disappointed love." --Jane Austen

This, after my latest hardship. And when my buddies are nurturing me through incredibly difficult times...

I love my friends. They make life so liveable. Be it picking a fight, arguing endlessly, sharing a
cup of coffee,late night talks, endless and meaningless IM's, being silly, comforting each other,
crying, shopping, movies,match making, bitching about a non existent love life... What would it be without these folks? These are people you know you can call up at 2 am to ask " dude, do you know where I put my camera? " , get a mumbled, nonsensical response and be able to comprehend what was just said! You finish each others sentences, you read each others mind...
Can there ever be a relationship better than this?

Today I spent some lovely time with a couple of friends. We went to the beach, talked, kept the silence, argued, teased, laughed, smiled, took pictures, consoled each other, made plans for tomoro,said goodbyes with a heavyheart... I know that they will be there tomoro.
I dont have to go plucking petals off a poor flower doin " They will be there... They will be not..." Incredible people. My friends. Love them. Cant stop thanking my stars for these folks.
The next time you have a difference of opinion with a friend, remember: Similarities create friendship's while differences hold them together.

In love for ever

I normally check signatures in every mail I get... I love the fact that someone picks a line that goes with every mail one sends. Sometimes, a signature can hit you on the spot! It would actually be in line with your thoughts... Take this one, for example...

"A successful relationship requires falling in love many times, always with the same person - Germaine Greer "

Now, this signature came to my attention while I was thinking about love& relationship. And this is after a very interesting conversation with a friend last night. He said he won't fall in love, thanks to the experience he had. And I said, in spite of experience before now, I am still capable of love...
After that, I was thinking about how a relationship is built and sustained. And why some of us fail to do that...Now, we are looking at a relationship for life... And time can do wonders to you and your personality and preferences... just a scary thought... Isn't it possible that the intensity of love could come down with time, and hence the relationship weaken??? I was thinking of ways people stay married, as a couple for years... They need to constantly reinvent themselves and the relationship. They need to struggle together to take themselves to the next peak in the relationship. They need to create and maintain a freshness/newness in the relationship. They need to forget and forgive. They make compromises. They need to let go... Easier said than done!Do all these thoughts cause pre wedding jitters in most people??? I wonder... It is such a huge decision to spend the rest of your life with someone, and I for one am scared. I am so nervous, I feel my heart's gonna stop soon. .. How do you decide on who it is gonna be???How do you know for certain????

Most of my friends and I am at a stage in life where we are close to deciding on that. A lot of us tried to find that "someone special" . A few of us were lucky ( God bless them!) and the rest of us are learning to lick our wounds and move on. We are folks who learn the lesson the hard way... We came out hurt, sad, heart broken, and any other cliches one can think of... But we survived. And thats what matters... Now, we are careful, more thoughtful and we are trying to avoid mistakes made once, and we are learning to fall in love... Again and Again, with the one single soul, who makes the difference...

I am....

I am the silence you heard in the deep night...
I am the song you wanna wake up to..
I am the bird that knocked at your door..
I am the nobody you wanna ignore..
I am the somebody you cant forget..
I am the freedom you dreamt about..
I shatter all blocks you built..
I am the dream you wanna dream..
I am the dream you wanna hide..
I am the feather you left lying on the floor while running after time..
I am the tomorrows you wish to possess but dare not to acquire…
I am the question without answers..
I am the answer with no questions..
I am the mirror that laughs at you..I
am that which grips you by your wrist in loneliness..
I am that faint fragrance in the air you cant get enough of...
I am that earworm that you keep humming all day...
I am that whiff of life you have been looking for, all life...

65 qns... tagged...

•1. How tall are you? 5' 11"
• 2. Do you own a gun? No.. Wish I did, though!
• 3. Rehab? Counseling? Nope... Not yet... :)
• 4. Have you ever killed an animal? Nope. Err... no...
• 5. Are you Irish? hell no!
• 6. What do you think of hot dogs? I dont think! I just eat! :)
• 7. What's your favorite Christmas song? Silent Night
• 8. What is your favorite smell? My mum's fragrance... Pivoine... Cant find it anymore.
• 9. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Water followed by coffee sans sugar
• 10. Do you do push ups? People who know me are already laughing!
• 11. Have you ever done ecstasy? NAH AH!!
• 12. Have you been shot? Been close but not yet! LOL!
• 13. Have you ever been hospitalized? Yes. Don wanna talk abt it.
• 14. Do you like pain killers? Am I supposed to like em??
• 15. What is your secret weapon to lure in your preferred sex? Secret ;)
• 16. Do you own a knife? A set of kitchen knives, yes
• 17. Do you have A.D.D? I don't know.. You tell me!
• 18. Do you love the pain a tattoo brings? Don even go there!
• 19. Name Five Drinks You Regularly Drink: Water,Coffee,Lemonade, Tea, O.J
• 20. What's In Your CD Player? Some oldies, blues, selected rock, metal
• 21. Who is your best friend? Tough to choose..
• 22. What's Under Your Bed? My Shooes
• 23. Current Hair? hmmm... nah
• 24. What are you wearing? tees n jeans
• 25. Current worry? Where do I start!
• 26. Current Love? Well...
• 27. Current Hate? bro thinks hate is too strong a word to use. so no.
• 28. Favorite Place To Be? Home!
• 29. Least favorite place to Be? At work
• 30. If You Could Play an Instrument, what would it be? Violin (very romantic!)
• 31. Favorite Colors? Pink , blue, green. Mustard
• 32. Person From Your Past You Wish You Could be with Right Now? Mum and Dad
• 33. Where Would You Like To Go? Suisse
• 34. Where do you want to live? With him, wherever he takes me :D
• 35. Favorite food? Home Cooked, kerala cuisine, Palakkad Iyer fare! Yummy!
• 36. Color of most clothes you own? Pink
• 37. Number of pillows you sleep with? 2
• 38. What do you wear when you go to sleep? Of late, a nightie!
• 39. What were you doing 10 years ago? Trying to be like my big bro!
• 40. What do you think you'll be doing in 10 years? Raising 2 kids
• 41. Are you paranoid? I hope not
• 42. First piercing/tattoo? First piercing when I was a baby..
• 43. Last person you yelled at? Some telemarketer
• 44. Latest crush? Superman guy... Brandon Routh
• 45. Last thing you ate? PB&J Sandwich
• 46. If you could be a pirate, would you? Hell no!
• 47. Do you have an ipod? :( NO ( is my brother reading this???)
• 49. What's in your pockets right now? My cell phone. Rs 20
• 50. What color are your bedroom walls? Pink
• 51. Last thing that made you laugh? Code warrior and his jokes..
• 52. Any pets now? Unfortunately no
• 53. Inny or an outty? Inny
• 54. Do you have any piercing? 4, 2 in each ear
• 55. If you were a crayon what color would you be? Yellow
• 56. Have you ever won any awards? Yes
• 57. How many TV's do you have in your house? 2
• 58. Have you ever sprained/broken/fractured a bone or gotten stitches? Sprain
• 59. If you could live next door to any one person of your choosing, ?'d it be? Well... George Clooney!
• 60. If you could have any one wish granted, what would it be? Peace n prosperity
• 61. If you could pick one person to make out with who would it be? Mr Clooney
• 62. What do you think of the person who posted this before you? She is awesome!
• 63. Your Screen Name? Stonebug
• 64. Whats your middle Name? Parvathy
• 65. What time is it EXACTLY? June 24th, 11.45 am

What do I say?

I have always heard people talk about the way their life changes in a moment. Mine did too. On January 21st 2007. Walked into the new year with a lot of hope, dreams and positive attitude. Not one for resolutions, I did make one this year. Not to let life and its pitfalls get to me. It was good until that date. I woke up feeling strange because the lights were not on, and the door was not opened. I open the door get the Newspapers and walk in to wake up dad. I knew, when I stepped into the room that he was no more. It was probably intuition, the coldness of the room, the way the room's spirit was or a combination of all of this. I was trying to wake him up. He refused to. He gave up. He gave up on me, he gave up on life. All I remember saying was "No! No! No! Appa, NO!" I then ran to the phone and called my aunt and came back to try and wake him up. He did not wake up. I just sat down. On the floor. And had a conversation with him. It was one sided and the conversation was in my head. You know, I did the same with my mom.

Things went ahead at a breakneck speed. Family arrived, funeral was done, everybody got on with their lives and their family. Except for me. I did not have any of the above mentioned. Nobody's fault. Especially not my dad's. Just mine. This is when I realised the true meaning of being alone, with nobody by my side.Eventhough we all say and try to live life without regrets, death is the wretched thing which will do that to you.

I wish I did not decide to go away from dad. Maybe, he would be here with me today if I decided otherwise. I wish I called him more often. I wish I sent him more money. I wish I listened to him more. I wish I did not walk away from a conversation with him the day before he died. I wish I hugged him more.I do not know or I can not say what can make the grieving process easier for anyone.

But it helped to see my Brother. It helped that he was strong. Made me want to be strong. It helped that he grieved. It showed me that it is OK to grieve.What do I say about my loss. Just that I lost. A big loss.

There is no one to console me when I cry. There is no one to wait up for me. There is no one who will put my needs ahead of his own. There is no one who would skip breakfast so that I had something to eat when I get home from work. There is no one who will laugh with me. There is no one who can tell me about my chldhood. There is no one who knows what I like and dislike. There is no one who will smile through my tantrums. There is no more unconditional love. Period.

Macy's Spring!

I was living with my brother in the US for sometime. This was in the spring, and the Macy's departmental store was running a commercial. A little girl recites the poem. It stole my heart. This is it:

The Earth has come to life today.
Spring is here, horray, horray.
The flowers are happy.
They wave delight.
The sun shines bright with all her might.
So fly little fairy, fly, fly, fly.
Fly through the meadow & touch the sky.
When you get to where your going, Remember this day.
The day the Earth came out to play.

What do you think of this?

Delhi... I am in love!

On a warm sunny day in May, I arrive from the US to live and work in Delhi for a while. I come with an open mind, and lots of hopes. After all, this is the city that represents my country so much! I live with my Cousin and his family. It is a 7 member household now.

Being the midst of summer, the weather wont let up. It is hot as hell, and I need to go out a lot. I immediately love the methods Delhiites employ to beat the heat. Nice chilling Lassis ( with malai, of course!) , Musk Melon, Water Melon, litchi, jamun,and my all time favourite, Chuskis! A desi form of the Granita, spiked with some masala. Oh so yum! I love the Kala Khatta ( I am guessing it is the grape flavour). Street food is such a Delhi experience. from Chaats to kebabs, Pakoras to Kulchas and chana.... It is all so good, sinful

The people of Delhi are probably not the friendliest in the world. And not all of them are the most honest ones. You have to bargain your way with the auto wallahs, the bus conductor, the shopkeeper, the garbage man and everyone else. My first adventure trip was to the famous Dilli Haat with my niece. We took a bus. I pull out my wallet to pay the guy when my niece stops me and says " Don't take your purse out. This guy wont give us any change for the 50!" I promptly put it back in and zip my bag shut, along with my mouth. We get off at Dilli Haat and are in the queue to buy tickets when I realize that I lost my Wallet. I scream and panic and have a heart attack. I had way too much cash in there and all my cards. And no, I never found the wallet, but I have been careful about carrying cash and cards since!

Oh you can shop so much here! You have Paalika Bazaar, Sarojini Nagar Market, Lajpat Nagar, Janpath,Gurgaon Malls, Ansar Plaza... The list is endless! From the cheapest to the most expensive you find it all here. People venture out so much for shopping in the peak summer as well! Shopping is such a huge part of the lives here!

This city has opened a world of opportunities for me. It tested me, put me through some tough times and watched. It watched to see how I could handle this. And I have to say, I came out with a smile and I have fallen in love with Delhi!